If a man or
woman is not in a current sexual relationship, masturbation serves
as a way to relieve desires and tensions. Most men automatically
masturbate when they feel 'horny' or if they're aroused by a woman
or picture, but some women still feel uncomfortable about touching
themselves sexually. This is no doubt another conditioned
response, creating a barrier in some women's minds against 'pleasuring'
Younger women today are
a lot less inhibited about their sexual needs and quite openly purchase
vibrators and other sex aids for their own use. Older women,
however, if single, between relationships or widowed, often believe
that they have to endure celibacy and sexual frustration because
they've never felt 'allowed' to look after themselves sexually.
Masturbation is a form
of self-love. It's saying in essence I feel sexy and
I'm not waiting for anyone to take care of my needs. For most
men and women, it's a poor substitute for love-making but, these
days, all of us are going to be alone at some time, either in between
relationships or if our partners are away. Isn't masturbation
preferable to risking unsafe sex with a casual partner or being
unfaithful and ruining a relationship which is strained by periods
I am often surprised
by middle-aged women asking me if they should consider using a vibrator
and how to go about getting one. Some of these enquirers have
been without sex for years! A listener rang and asked me what
she should do because her last relationship had ended six years
before and she wasn't interested in anything casual. She said
she had sexual feelings and didn't know what to do about them.
When I asked if she masturbated or used a vibrator, she seemed genuinely
surprised at the mention of these alternatives. Sometimes,
people from religious backgrounds believe that masturbation is wrong.